Laughter, The Best Medicine

THE TRUTH IN JUST 13 WORDS........

Inside every older person is a
younger person - wondering what the
hell happened.

Quotations from women about women . . . . . . .

The hardest years in life are
those between ten and seventy.
-Helen Hayes (at 73)

I refuse to think of them as chin
hairs. I think of them as stray
eyebrows.
-Janette Barber-

Whoever thought up the word "Mammogram"?
Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed
to put my breast in an envelope and send
it to someone.
-Jan King-

A few weeks after my surgery, I went
out to play catch with my golden
retriever. When I bent over to pick
up the ball, my prosthesis fell out.
The dog snatched it, and I found
myself chasing him down the road
yelling "Hey, come back here with my
breast!"
-Linda Ellerbee-

Things are going to get a lot worse
before they get worse.
-Lily Tomlin-

You know the hardest thing about
having cerebral palsy and being a woman?
It's plucking your eyebrows. That's
how I originally got pierced ears.
-Geri Jewell-

A male gynecologist is like an auto
mechanic who never owned a car.
-Carrie Snow-

Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Cry and you cry with your girlfriends.
-Laurie Kuslansky-

My second favorite household chore is
ironing. My first being hitting my head
on the top bunk bed until I faint.
-Erma Bombeck-

Old age ain't no place for sissies.
-Bette Davis-

A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.
-Rhonda Hansome-

The phrase "working mother" is
redundant.
-Jane Sellman-

Every time I close the door on reality
it comes in through the windows.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

Whatever women must do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
-Charlotte Whitton-

Thirty-five is when you finally get
your head together and your body starts
falling apart.
-Caryn Leschen-

I try to take one day at a time,
but sometimes several days attack me
at once.
-Jennifer Unlimited-

If you can't be a good example, then
you'll just have to be a horrible
warning.
-Catherine Aird-

When I was young, I was put in a
school for retarded kids for two years
before they realized I actually had a
hearing loss. And they called ME slow!
-Kathy Buckley-

I'm not offended by all the dumb
blonde jokes because I know I'm not
dumb . . and I'm also not blonde.
-Dolly Parton-

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb
women, but you hardly ever see a smart
woman with a dumb guy.
-Erica Jong-

If high heels were so wonderful, men
would still be wearing them.
-Sue Grafton-

I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears
makes one you can ride on.
-Roseanne Barr-

I think---therefore I'm single.
-Lizz Winstead-

When women are depressed they
either eat or go shopping. Men invade
another country.
-Elayne Boosler-

Behind every successful man is a
surprised woman.
-Maryon Pearson

In politics, if you want anything
said, ask a man--if you want anything
done, ask a woman.
-Margaret Thatcher-

I have yet to hear a man ask for
advice on how to combine marriage and a
career.
-Gloria Steinem-

I never married, because there was no
need. I have three pets at home which
answer the same purpose as a husband.
I have a dog that growls every
morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon,
and a cat that comes home late every night.